MOKSHA - Disappointment

Well, disappointment, you're back in my life, you son-of-a-bitch.

I thought that I had rid myself of you forever, but like a jealous boyfriend, you show up at the restaurant where I'm eating dinner or when I'm on the phone with my mother. You are back when I least expected to see you.

No one likes being disappointed, but I don't like it the most of everyone in the world. It feels terrible every time and like loss of love or dignity (something I know a thing or two about), is cured only with time.

And since I desperately want you to go away, I feel inclined to listen to any suggestions to get you out of my life. A good friend of mine once told me that the only way to avoid disappointment is to lower your expectations of others. If you expect less from other people, you will not be hurt when they don't rise to meet the bar that you set for them. Hmmm... Expect nothing and when you get nothing in return, you won't get hurt... I think Eastern Europe was built on that philosophy.

I am tempted to buy into this idea. Not just because it would be easier to avoid feeling the pain associated with disappointment, but because maybe it's not fair to have such high expectations of people. Expectations can often be silent traps that we set for others. But can I really get rid of expectations? Will that make disappointment go away?

I think disappointment is really just the loss of hope. Hope for something better, more interesting, more fun... or just different. The key to forward movement and what allows us to come back from the most terrible of tragedies.

There is only one place in the world I go to regain my sense of hope. And it's not the Whole Foods on Sheffield, although that ranks a close second. It is a book - an essay, actually. Once I have read it, I always feel strong enough to pull it together and get back in the game. It's by Barbara Kingsolver, and she concludes, "We love and we lose, go back to the start and do it right over again." Ahh. You make it sound so simple.

And like a fool, I begin to believe again that it is just that simple. One foot in front of the other and keep moving. And hold on to those expectations, despite your brushes with disappointment. They are what allow you to hope beyond what is right in front of you. And yes, people will disappoint you. Over and Over again. But hope, like coffee, can be made fresh each day.